Those Advice given by My Father Which Rescued Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a pause - going on a short trip overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I believe my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."