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This year marks a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your choice to date a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly kill any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {